Current Overview of the Credenza Method Publications for Astral Travel

Astral publishing deals became complex for awhile and was fraught with rumor and misconception. This writing is an attempt at explaining the history of Credenza Method field publications.

After the publication of the first ground breaking book, I CAN FLY MY CREDENZA TO SOUTH JERSEY IN MY SLEEP WITH MY EYES CLOSED by K, credenza air traffic was suddenly very congested over South Jersey. It had been nearly nonexistent prior to this time. This led to a lot of speculation and confusion resulting from the frustration of heavy stop and go traffic in areas that were relatively open before. Critics also pointed out that no one has ever written a descent book on getting out of South Jersey or ever mentioned why everyone should fly there in the first place.

I tried to fill at least part of this void and end the complications of thought with a simple two word non-fiction publication entitled, "Getting Out of South Jersey." It was a free publication, the contents of which I will share with you here:

Wake up.

This was distributed to every imaginable form of library across the country and was promptly enumerated, listed, and filed away. The result of this was it's loss. This is due to the one page the publication consisted of being permanently overlooked between the other larger books. I hear everyone finds it now and then, with a nice note from my very small group of unusual readers. Of course, everyone applies this rule to the extent that they are ready to, with variation in results.

My publisher called me and discussed a possible 2nd edition with the main idea being that the volume would be thicker. Critics of the 1st edition said it was too short and offered up the possible explanation that perhaps I did not actually know that many words. Anyone who actually knew me personally was unable to respond since they could not stop laughing for long enough to actually say anything . The new plan was that the book would have a cover including a picture of me on the back. This new edition would also have two blank end pages, author's dedication, title page, table of contents, removable cheat sheet, preface, foreword, note from the from the author, index, blank pages for notes, introduction and a final note and the usual recommendations of the book from other people in the field. It would be assigned an ISBN number too. The original body of the text at this writing remains the same for several reasons.

The 2nd edition has never actually been published due to many complications. My agent kept sending the submitted writings back for revisions. One of the notes on my manuscript stated that the readers want more details. I worked on the details for awhile but have still not really worked them out. The photo of me with the drawn on mustache and pointy little beard wearing a French cashmere beret was flat out rejected. I felt this would actually be a time saver for a small segment of the population if the graffiti was already included. I like to be proactive. I had many good ideas for additional chapters such as "Really Wiggle Your Toe." This discusses how physical movement can be magical in other realms. "Go to the Bathroom," was another. I thought that would be a good chapter going into basic functions and how they help prevent stagnation. A cultural specific chapter, aimed at the city reader entitled, "Just Forget About It," was also considered. I tossed around the idea of some actual photos to race up the publication with some demonstrations of toe wiggling methods and diagrams of positive energy bathrooms with the input of a feng shui expert. My favorite picture was a person in New York at that very moment of "Forgetting About It." I also want to mention that I really wanted to add the large, friendly words to the cover, "Don't Panic," but I was told by the publisher's legal staff that I cannot. This apparently is under copyright by The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and was one of that references chief selling points.

So many credenza driving method books with variations such as personal reflections, prayer methods, credenza styling, meditations and advanced thoughts came out, that the field became more un-navigatable than Boston during the highway reconstruction years. The information fallout was obvious with even the smallest of children drawing pictures of flying furniture being happily driven over the continent with no explanation. Notably, no one has presented the general reader with a specific Credenza Drive Method book to Boston, leaving that to the smaller groups that actually have a reason to go to Boston. Apparently, it is different every time and takes advanced preparation best left to the more experienced according to the self-published information available. Often the un-initiated end up circling Boston for some time without being talked down in some cases. One person, Wrong Way Sultan, appears to have landed smack in Boston center purely by accident by all accounts thinking he was in some area of Madagascar. Some very literary academic publications regarding this subject may come out in the near future for the upper level university students and professors.

Meanwhile, frustrations are building and the tensions may apparently drive people to become suspicious. Detractors of the "Credenza Method" recently accused K of purposely congesting South Jersey traffic while he flew straight into the Rivera in a blink of an eye with his agent to slurp down rays. Adding to this suspicion is the fact that no one has actually seen K in South Jersey for which several metaphysical explanations have been offered up. This has never been proven with his agent, believed to be the balancing opposite of Dan Rather, simply replying, "No comment," to all inquiries. Many of the detractors eventually were exposed due to their inability to imagine their own credenza or even simply describe where they actually sit on the unit while flying. K's supporters are still adamant about the methods used and stand 100 percent behind the "Credenza Method" insisting how far you take it, why, and where, is simply up to the practitioner.