Tonglen: Many Difficult Thoughts

Anyone who finds satisfaction in being an accomplished, skilled worker will find stage two a very tempting place to rest on the spiritual journey. Often the only ones who break free to a higher stage have had some drastic failure in their lives. This isn't to say that failure is spiritually worthy. It carries its own dangers, primarily that you will see yourself as a victim, which makes the chances for spiritual progress worse than ever. But failure does raise questions about some basic beliefs in stage two . If you worked hard, why didn't God reward you? ...As long as such doubts don't arise, the God of stage two is the perfect deity for a competitive market economy.
---Deepak Chopra on "Stage Two: God the Almighty" from his book, "How to Know God."



What is this difficult path to awakening we must be occasionally slapped into? I am told that without failure, some successful people might not go on from a physical based spirituality for a long time. A very powerful person may lose his or her position, status, health or perhaps face death. We all have to face that "big one" eventually. This shocks some people out of their physical based existence to look for more. After all, a lot of the kingdoms built here are staying here. The saying goes, "You can't take it with you." I bring this up due to people who ask about, "fully feeling." Do we want to feel this or do we deny this energy until we are past it enough to really face the truth?

Very few of us can grow up now without suffering fully in our face. Perhaps the world is ready to advance and that is the purpose of the information age. Lots of information about suffering flings by us every day on the televisions, radios and even passes us on the street. It used to be hidden like that Buddha story where the father keeps his son away from seeing age, death, poverty and disease. The news does us a service in a way of letting us know that there are many people in this world who are in pain. People beg openly in the streets in more than the third world countries now. It is right on the corner of many United States cities and even the smaller towns now. Addicted people walk by us on the very same sidewalks as we all take. Mothers and fathers cry on television for their lost children. We know that people get beaten in their own homes by their family members. The days of Mrs. Cleaver... where no one really knew that the sweet housewife who was always perfectly dressed every day complete with the string of pearls was being beaten by her husband.

There are situations in life that we are exposed to where we feel helpless, angry, hurt and probably more difficult emotions than you would care to read a list of. Difficulty can creep into our lives in all directions. Our most intimate relationships push us to the edges of what we can stand. They shoot those arrows into our hearts where only those close to us know to aim for. It can happen at work too. I used to take care of people in hospital and home situations who were very ill. Sometimes a personal story would be so tragic, or the person would be suffering so much, I would go through a period of grieving for them. After all, there was only so much I could personally do. Often they were just a child yet. Although, I did my best to help them by giving them comfort with my words or put some financial difficulties at ease, it often did not seem to be enough for their suffering.

The word Tonglen itself is Tibetan literally meaning "taking and sending." This practice can be done on the spot in challenging situations as I mentioned or can be a formal practice. On the in breath you take in the difficulty you or someone else may be experiencing. When you exhale you release healing into the world. Tonglen is using these very difficult emotions that arise that we may not want to face. I am still learning about the practice. I really like how one can do Tonglen "on the spot" just for these difficult situations where we do not otherwise know how to respond. There is no excuse for not practicing it, although many people may simply choose not to, which is fine. Pema Chodron points out that if you are becoming frustrated with your own tonglen practice not working, "You can do tonglen for all people who cannot do tonglen. ...No way to escape." :-) This often helps people speak and hear more from their hearts rather than putting up walls.

The idea behind Tonglen, as I understand it, is that difficult circumstances are the basis for waking up rather than an obstacle. Our intrepretation of a difficult event is often to view it as an obstacle. We might say, that we cannot meditate because our lives are interrupted by our nasty wife, mean cat, lack of concentration, or other worries. Well Atisha, one of the early teachers of Tonglen has something different to say about your practice. Atisha not only welcomed struggle into his life, he embraced it. The story goes that Atisha traveled to Tibet to teach. He required suffering in his life to advance in his practice which allowed him to see where he wascapable of being knocked off his balance. This way he could know what to work on. This allowed him to really see himself honestly. He then would make friends with the energy of his feelings of jealousy, envy, and irritation. Atisha would sit with the energy as a felt quality and let it transform his being without weaving it into another type of suffering such as blaming or excusing.

When Atisha heard about all the wonderful, peaceful and gentle people in Tibet, he was concerned that he would not be challenged! He was so very concerned about the legendary sweetness of the Tibetan people that he took his mean Bengali tea boy with him. The story goes that this person was so very ill tempered and nasty to deal with. Tibetans apparently have a wonderful sense of humor about this tale. They say, "When he arrived in Tibet, he realized he needn't have worried." Lol.

Lets face it... negative emotions sometimes, or maybe even most of the time, have enormous energy. If one can tap into this energy, geez... it seems like one person could provide the energy to run all those machines in Los Vegas. We learn later in the tale that this ill tempered Bengali tea boy is Atisha's brother and this brother listens at the door to the "secret" teachings. Over time, Atisha notices his brother becoming a much nicer person and even being more flexible and kind. He speaks with his brother and his brother admits to eavesdropping. Instead of being angry, Atisha decides if this practice helps his brother be a nicer person, it could help anyone! :-0 ;-) He had lots of raw material to work with!

We tend to see awaiting death as a time when everything stops, however, some of the greatest learning occurs for many people during this period. When Socrates was in prison awaiting execution, he heard another prisoner singing a lyric and begged to be taught this song. "For what reason?" the fellow prisoner inquired. Socrates responded, "So I can die knowing one thing more." Tonglen practice was taught to lepers and other people with fatal (at the time) diseases. It helped these people. Today tonglen is being taught more widely in hospice and other terminal situations too. The person breathes in with the wish that their sickness and what they are feeling will help others. The meditation may be, "May I feel this completely so my brothers and sisters may be free of it." This is released in the out breath with the person breathing out healing energies. Although the intent is not curing, it has all kinds of results at the spirit level. These individuals' pain and despair has meaning and is expanded from the individual, to others they may know. The practice can be expanded to encompasses all others who may be feeling this also.

The practice is not so easy. A sales person was obviously under a lot of stress yesterday and really was annoying me and trying to turn the tables on me making me the jerk. I forgot to use Tonglen. Lol. I am still annoyed and I am feeling like she is the jerk. I know not to let someone else be a jerk but I am sitting with the energy. ;-)

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It is important to note that I am not a meditation teacher. I have read a few comments that indicate a student should be practicing with a teacher formally to try the practice although there are books and recordings fully available on the market. I have used the lectures of Pema Chodron in my practice and find her excellent as a teacher!

Here are a few links for anyone who is interested in reading more expert discussions of the practice:

The Tonglen and Mind Training Sitehttp://lojongmindtraining.com/


Mind Training Audio Meditation
http://lojongmindtraining.com/sound.aspx